Half Hearted

Cam Maitland is Crab Town's best friend, as he is the only writer here still bringin' it. If this guy ever wants an honorary editorship, he can just come right over and pick it up.

Cameron needs your help again. Can you please read this article and give the guy some good advice? Unless you don't have any good advice. Take a good look around, and if you yourself are a romantic failure, please do not comment on this article. Maitland only needs the wise words, not just some Shmoe's advice.

Speaking of the Internet... Oh, we weren't? (cough) ... Lawnmower Man.

Don't worry everyone. Crab Town is back with a new article. And Cam needs your help. Should he marry the garbage man or not? Read the article and put in your two cents in the comments. That's how we do it in these parts.

In this edition of Half Hearted, Cameron answers a certain type of question in a certain way. Don’t be surprised that there are obscure references in here. Do you know who Emile Schlick is?

Why is this one named after the Kevin James classic Paul Blart: Mall Cop? I don't know. That's just how Cam sent it in. Why did we use a picture of him with a police hat on, since Paul Blart is not an actual police officer? You've got us on that one. All we know is the last one of these was about dicks and this one is about sluts. So we are getting curious where he's going with this.

He comes on really strong with the foul language in this one, but there are also a lot of really interesting turns of phrase like, “Sure, there’s masturbation”. And there is at least one really unusual pop culture reference too. So, as per usual, enjoy this fine edition of Half Hearted!

Sorry about Crab Town's little ten day break there. We were too absorbed in reading the comments section of a previous article to put anything else up. Luckily, we now have another stellar Half Hearted for you. In this one Maitland takes on France and passion. Who will win? Find out inside!

“I'll level with you. The 'events' of the last little while have resulted in no romance. I've gotten tired of randomly dating, because I like to operate one way: find one subject for my romantic thrust and single-mindedly focus on them. With past thrustees long gone, and no reasonable future-thrust subjects in the horizon, I'm kind of stuck. So I've been randomly embarrassing myself by flirting with whoever catches my booze-addled mind at the time.” ...

"So, now I'm an international sex machine. I'm back on the old 'horse'. I'm back to the old routine a bit older, a bit wiser, and maybe more 'over' those previous loves lost, and utterly confident about my romantic prowess, right? Ha." ...